Rough Hands
by Tinted Amber
Summary: Shinjiro/Akihiko, Standalone "Aki wants to reach out, to touch his face, to brush his bangs out of his eyes so badly, but he refrains."


It's been a little more than a week since Shinjiro's come back to S.E.E.S. and Akihiko can already feel the tension between them rising in his gut.

Conversation between them is usually difficult to start, strange and awkward despite the years of friendship. When he does manage to spark up something between them, it's usually short lived and very limited, despite his best efforts. It's uncomfortable for Aki, strange, and it doesn't feel quite right. It's not just Shinji that's stressing him out either; the myriad of things that seem to be piling up that he has to deal with only adds to the complication in his life.

He goes to his room earlier than normal to try to relax if at all possible. Minato and Junpei are at the table talking while everyone else is sitting quietly in the lounge. He can't seem to see Shinji; he must be up in his own room. When he gets to his bedroom, the windows are still open from the morning, and the cool fall breeze fills his room along with the scent of leaves. It's refreshing in its own way, unlike the heat and dampness of the summertime.

Lying down on his bed, Aki stretches out, feeling his arms and chest ache slightly from the recent full moon fight. It was nice to finally fight alongside Shinjiro again, and Aki was surprised at how he'd managed to keep his skill after not having fought for so long.

It reminded him of all the times they'd fought before together, when they worked so well as a team. Himself and Shinji, back when they were together.

But that was a long time ago.

Shutting his eyes, Aki's mind drifts further. Things had been hectic recently. School has been expecting a lot from him lately, with recent tests coming up, the boxing team, and having to keep up the good grades. Other students ask how he does it, to which he usually replies, 'hard work' or 'time management', when, really, he can barely understand it himself.

And then there are all of the things that only he and S.E.E.S. can know about, like Chidori in the hospital, and having to deal with the rest of STREGA. Despite the countless conversations they've had, no one really knows what to expect from STREGA's next attack. Until then, he'll have to keep training hard during the Dark Hour just in case.

He rolls onto his side and thinks about the day, and remembers his argument with Shinjiro. He's still angry; thinking about Shinji and the pills and STREGA is more than enough to make Akihiko mad. Thinking about Shinji dealing with it on his own only makes it worse.

But that was Shinji, never letting anyone – not even Aki – know what was going on with his life. Aki was trustworthy. It was enough to make something in Akihiko's chest _ache_. This was Shinji – Akihiko would trust him with his life. It hurt to know that Shinjiro couldn't return that trust. He rolls over again, back onto his back, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. Rubbing his eyes, he sighs deeply before falling asleep.

--

Aki wakes up near eleven p.m. He's soaking with sweat, and doesn't feel as rested as he should. He's cold; he shouldn't have left the window open, not at this time of year. He's been having weird dreams lately too, not necessarily scary ones, but ones that disrupt his sleep and cause him to wake up feeling sick. Dreams about Shinji; about them. He feels slightly headachy, and a little dizzy too. Sitting up, he pushes himself up off of his bed and pads carefully over to the door, opening it as quietly as he can.

Everyone is in their rooms; no one is going to Tartarus tonight. He steps out into the hall, and walks as quietly as he can as not to disturb anyone. Junpei is still awake; he can hear his TV in his room that's a bit too loud, but he's not going to stop and tell him to turn it down.

He's feeling frustrated, sleeping didn't do anything for him. He heads downstairs, stepping cautiously on the stairs and avoids the parts that squeak loudly when stepped on, and heads into the lounge. It's pitch black, but the moonlight through the windows is enough light for him to see where he is going. It's so strange, seeing the lounge cold and empty instead of full of his teammates like it usually is.

He stops walking and debates doing this. Last time he did this, something went wrong. But he's feeling confident; feeling maybe a bit too cocky, and decides one more time isn't going to hurt. He opens the door and pulls it slowly behind him.

--

The cold night air is crisp and fresh, and cools Akihiko's lungs when he takes a deep breath of it. It hasn't been this nice out for a long time, he thinks, before heading off towards Tartarus.

Mitsuru would kill him if she knew what he was doing. No questions asked, she would kill him right on the spot. His ribs were often still sore from the time they broke, and he knew very well how dangerous Tartarus could be, even if you weren't alone. He promised himself he'd never do this again, promised Mitsuru herself, but he needs the training. He needs _something_. It's been too long since Akihiko had a really good one on one fight, he'll manage. It hasn't been that long since his ribs broke, but still, he's a lot stronger than he was back then.

It isn't long before Akihiko is standing in the immaculate shadow of Tartarus. The eerie green glow of the tower casts off the surrounding ground and makes the trees glow unnaturally. It's almost intimidating being here by himself, alone in the shadow of Tartarus. He and Shinji used to do this all the time, it should make no difference that he's not here; that it's just Akihiko this time. They'd often sneak out at night together, both feeling up to the challenge, and race each other to Tartarus, seeing who could defeat more Shadows. It was good training for the both of them, and by the end of the night, they were both thoroughly exhausted, both collapsing together on their return to the dorm. They'd both still be panting hard, and Aki remembers Shinji laughed a lot more back then, too. Most of the time they were quiet enough returning at night to avoid Mitsuru's yelling the following morning about how dangerous it was to go without her.

Akihiko enters carefully and looks around inside Tartarus. It's a lot bigger looking when here alone. He puts on his boxing gloves, tightening them just so they're perfect, and heads up the stairs.

It isn't long before Akihiko's one on one with a couple Shadows. He keeps an eye on their every move; watching them carefully before he moves in to attack, punching one so hard he can feel the shock of the punch through his whole body. The Shadows dissipate one by one, and Akihiko feels confident enough to head higher up.

A couple of fights later he pulls out his water bottle and leans against a wall, drinking it deep and wiping his mouth on his arm afterwards. He's only just getting started; he can go a lot longer than this. Although risky, it feels good fighting by himself. He heads up the next couple floors and the shadows here do feel a lot stronger than the ones below, but nothing he can't handle. He manages to defeat the next couple Shadows with ease as well, but he finds himself missing punches every once and a while.

His mind is drifting; it's not completely on the fight. He heads up the next few stairs and finds there are fewer shadows here. Walking through the tower quietly, Akihiko can't help but still think about the argument with Shinji. Then again, Akihiko can't help but think of Shinji in general. He carries the thoughts with him into the next fight. He feels frustrated and angry about it, and it comes through when he's fighting. He punches harder than usual, even though he should know by now that if he's punching that hard, that carelessly, that he's going to end up missing. He thinks about how angry he is with Shinji, about the pills. He punches hard, and misses. He thinks about Shinji leaving, about how he begged him not to go, that they _needed_ him, and misses again.

The one Shadow, though small, is quick and powerful, and nearly lands a strong attack on Aki, barely missing his side. He quickly pulls out his evoker and places the cool barrel of the gun against his temple, pulling the trigger, summoning Polydeuces, destroying the Shadow.

He's definitely getting tired, but he's still feeling worked up, still feeling frustrated, and he knows he should quit while he's ahead, but continues on. It isn't until a couple floors later that Akihiko finds himself struggling from the coming Shadows, and has difficulty when more than two appear. He quickly takes out one of the shadows, when the second tries to attack; he pushes it down, destroying it as well. He's getting too tired to fight, and the third one uses a powerful attack, just barely hitting near his shoulder, but enough to hurt badly. Akihiko takes one more swing with his other arm and watches that Shadow disappear.

After the fight, Akihiko is breathing hard, nearly panting, when he decides it is time to return to the dorm. His shoulder is hurting really badly from the attack, but he can tell nothing is broken. He can feel it bleeding as well, but he'll have to deal with that when he gets back to the dorm.

--

When Akihiko returns to the dorm, he enters just as cautiously as he did when he'd left, pushing the door behind him closed and letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He slips upstairs, and goes to turn into the hall, when he sees Shinjiro leaving his room. It's at the worst time too; Akihiko's still feeling frustrated with Shinji. He wants to be left alone, to go get the first aid kid, and fix himself up.

"Where the hell have you been?" Shinjiro says, looking over at Akihiko. "You haven't been at Tartarus have you?"

"Yeah," Akihiko bites his lip, and walks over to his door, brushing past Shinji as he opens it. Akihiko notices Shinji following him into his room. He's too tired to tell him to go away. He's not even sure if he wants to tell him to leave or stay.

Aki sits down on the edge of his bed and unbuttons his vest, taking it off, folding it, and placing it on the end of his bed. It's been a long time since Shinji's been in Aki's room, and memories seem to flood back to him here too. Aki sighs, and it's only when he removes his vest that he realizes that he's been bleeding more than he expected, and it's even slightly dripping down his chest.

"I thought you'd already learned your lesson about going to Tartarus alone, Aki," Shinji says, staring at the large bloody area near Aki's top left shoulder.

Akihiko looks down at it. His vest was covering a part of it, which is probably why he'd never noticed how much blood was actually there.

"Take it off."

"What?" Akihiko looks up at Shinji, who's standing in front of him.

"Take it off, let me have a look."

"Oh, uh, yeah." Akihiko nods, he's not in the mood to fight with Shinji, not now, and he pulls his shirt off as carefully as possible. The shirt sticks to his sweaty skin, and he peels it off carefully where the wound is, making sure to not aggravate the bleeding. He looks down at his own shoulder and is surprised at the size of the cut. It's below the very left side of his collarbone, about an inch and a half long, and it seems to be pretty deep. There's blood smeared along Aki's chest from where he's pulled the shirt off, and it's beginning to sting pretty badly.

Shinji leans down and looks at the cut, "Here, come with me," he says standing up and leaving the room. Akihiko follows him into the other bedroom.

"Sit down."

And Akihiko does as he's told. He sits down on the edge of Shinji's bed, swallowing hard. His hearts beating a mile a minute, and it's not because he's still tired from all the fighting. He's nervous. He knows he shouldn't be, especially not now. He should be glad that they're actually talking and not fighting for once, even if it's just over something strange like this. He looks over at Shinji, who's pulling a few things out of his drawer, and suddenly, Akihiko feels very unsure.

"I need to get a few other things, stay here."

Akihiko nods again, watching Shinji leave. It's so strange being back in this room. Akihiko hasn't been here since Shinji had left, but it's still the same in every way. He shifts on the bed, getting comfortable, and listens to the quietness of the night. He looks down at the cut again. How could he have been so careless? He let his emotions get the best of him at a time when they really shouldn't have.

Akihiko looks up when he sees Shinji come back into the room. He continues to watch him as he pours something that looks like rubbing alcohol into a small bowl, placing some thread into it before Shinji pull a lighter and needle out of his pocket and proceeds to light a small candle upon his desk. It doesn't take Akihiko long to realize what Shinji is going to do, and he's never done this before either, but he feels he can trust Shinji with this. Shinji grabs his chair, pulling it up and in front of Aki. He's got a cloth full of ice.

"I need you to stay still, or this will hurt."

Shinjiro leans forward, pressing the ice gently to the cut on Akihiko's shoulder. It stings a bit, but it's not nearly as bad as Akihiko would have suspected. They both sit in silence; Shinji concentrating on putting just the right amount of pressure on the cut, while Akihiko watches intently. He can feel goose bumps rising on his skin from the cool ice, but it feels nice after his night out.

"How's it feeling?" Shinji asks, still concentrating on the wound.

"Cold… numb." Akihiko shifts.

"Good," Shinji says, turning back to the table, taking the ice with him and turning his attention to the needle and thread, "if it wasn't numb, then this would hurt like hell."

Shinji pulls the alcohol soaked thread out of the small bowl, using his other hand to pick up the needle. He runs the thin needle through the flame of the candle a couple times, before beginning to pull the thread through it. It takes him a few tries to get it through, but when he finally does, he turns around and asks, "You ever done this before?"

Aki shakes his head, "No, I haven't."

Aki suddenly remembers all the times when Shinji would come home with his own cuts. He'd head up to his room and when Mitsuru offered him some first aid, he'd told her he could manage it on his own. Akihiko would often accompany Shinji while he'd fix himself up. Neither of them would talk, but Akihiko would sit on Shinji's bed, watching Shinji below on the floor slowly stitch himself up. He'd done a good job back then with fixing cuts; the scars not as noticeable now as they were a long time ago. Besides, it was only when the two were tangled together sometime around midnight in Akihiko's room when Aki would ever catch slight glimpses them anyways.

Shinji moves back to sitting in front of Aki, and looks him in the eyes before looking at the wound. He can tell Aki's nervous; he's not so good at hiding it. "Ready?"

That's all Aki gets before he feels the sharp point of the needle poking through his skin, just below the cut. Shinji carefully and slowly pulls it through, making sure the knot at the end of the thread stops against skin. Shinji then moves on to beginning to stitch the wound itself. He gently pushes the skin together, and pokes the needle through one side, before entering and exiting the other. Aki can feel his calloused fingers from years of fighting, and the touch of them against Aki's skin makes heat rise in the center of his chest. The ice has definitely numbed it, but it didn't stop it from hurting completely. In fact, it hurts really badly, but now that it's started, he'll let Shinji finish the job. Aki manages to look at what Shinji is doing as he once again pulls the string taught and closes the small bottom part of the cut. Akihiko feels like asking something like, 'are you _sure _this is the right way to take care of a cut?' or, 'is there any other way to do this?', but he doesn't. Instead he remains quiet and as still as he possibly can.

Shinji moves on to make the next stitch; he's closer to the middle of the cut now. When he pushes it through here, it hurts more, and Aki catches himself making a not-so-quiet noise and flinching slightly upon the needle entering his skin. It feels really tender, and it's still sore. It almost looks bruised around the cut itself. Shinji pauses for a moment, looking up at Aki. "Stay still," is all he says, "I don't want to end up stitching in the wrong spot."

Aki bites his lip as he feels the needle slide through his skin, followed by the different texture of the thread pulling through and closing another part of the gap. The needle slides out, and when the thread does as well, it's red and streaked with blood. The ice's effect is wearing off, and he's debating asking Shinji if he could use it some more before continuing, but he doesn't seem to have to because Shinji's grabbing the ice again and pressing it once again carefully to the gap.

It's nice, in its own way, having Shinji concentrate so hard on him, despite the pain involved. Aki wants to reach out, to touch his face, to brush his bangs out of his eyes so badly, but he refrains. Instead he just stays still and watches. Shinji looks up and notices Aki's staring.

"Is it good?" Shinji asks, "Can I continue stitching now?"

"Yeah," Aki replies, "How many more stitches do you think you'll have to do to close it?"

"Not sure," Shinji says, picking up the needle that's hanging from the thread still in Akihiko's skin, "I think you just need a couple more." He says before continuing on.

It feels better now, Akihiko's skin is cool and Shinji is being cautious about fixing him. Shinji looks so concentrated on getting it right; he's even biting his lip. Akihiko takes a deep breath the next time he feels the needle entering his skin. It slides with general ease, and it doesn't look like it will be long before Shinji's done.

"Where'd you learn to do this?" Akihiko asks, Shinji looking up at him for a second before looking back at his work.

"Trial and error." Shinji replies, looking up at Akihiko when he inhales sharply upon the next stitch.

And it's not long before Shinji tells Aki that he's nearly done, and finishes up the last stitch. After pulling it through for the final time, he ties the end in a small knot, close to Aki's skin, and cuts the rest of the thread off carefully with the scissors that were sitting on his desk.

"There you go," Shinji sits back, looking at his work. "Don't go getting hurt anymore, I might not be so generous next time."

Akihiko looks up from his cut, looking at Shinji. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Oh, one more thing I forgot," Shinji says, turning around and pulling something out of his drawer, handing it over to Aki. "You'll need this. It's antibiotic cream. You'll have to put some on it often so that it doesn't get infected. Give it a while to heal, and when it looks like it's closed up, come back to me. I know how to take the thread out."

"Alright," Akihiko says, yawning and getting up, walking towards the door, his leg brushing Shinji's as he does so, "I'll talk to you tomorrow… goodnight. Thanks for everything."

Akihiko's hand is on the doorknob when he feels Shinji's hand on his arm, gripping lightly. He turns around to see what Shinji wants, and is immediately pushed gently against the door, the wood cold on his bare back. He opens his mouth to say something but is cut off abruptly by Shinjiro's mouth on his own. It only takes Aki a few seconds to respond, kissing deeply back, his own hands holding Shinji close to him. He's so warm. He shudders when he feels Shinjiro's rough calloused fingertips slide up his chest and stop just a few inches below his now stitched wound. Akihiko leans into the touch, sighing. When they break apart, Akihiko is breathing hard, he looks flushed. Shinji's looking at him through his bangs.

"Alright then," Shinji says, stepping away from Aki, "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Akihiko sees a small smile creep on Shinji's face.

"Will do, Shinji," Akihiko smiles, "will do."

--

Author's Notes

Writing this was extremely new and refreshing, perhaps for the reason I have not written anything in a very long time. I'd never written anything for these two, who happen to be one of my favorite pairings, so I thought I'd give it a shot. This is sadly, the longest fanfic I've ever written, but I put a lot of though and energy into it and believe it's probably one of my better, if not best works so far. Unlike other fanfics I've written, I feel a really special connection to this one, which is why I think it turned out in a way that I myself can say I am proud of. It was inspired by by Alexisonfire's songs (no song in particular), which is where it gets the title "Rough Hands". It was also inspired by other amazing Persona 3 writers such as laylah and sheffiesharpe at insanejournal who's characterizations and writing styles astound me (go check them out). Also, I would like to thank a couple of my good friends for editing this for me, and making sure there were no silly mistakes lying around.


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